American Idol

It’s hard to believe it’s back. But American Idol is ready to hand over the crown from David Cook to the Season 8 winner. Tonight, Ryan Seacrest and the gang start the search for America’s next superstar.

7:05 p.m.
This year’s journey includes audition stops in eight cities. Tonight, we’ll see what Idol found in Arizona … after the break.

7:10 p.m.
It was 106 degrees when Seacrest and the crew hit Phoenix. But, will any of the talent be as hot as Season 6 winner Jordin Sparks’? I’m imagining there will be some tragedies. Here we go.

The first contestant this year is some guy named Tuan Nguyen. And he’s bringing some drill team dancing. Good grief. Worse yet, he wants to be a mixture of Michael Jackson and Britney Spears.

It’s as cheesy as you may expect.

“That was … that was … I’ve never seen anything like that,” is the first critique we hear from new judge Kara DioGuardi.

Next up is Emily Hughes, whose mom gave up singing to raise her daughter. She definitely has the look — crazy hair, lots of tattoos and … wait for it, this girl has a cool voice. It’s a little rock-n-rough. But the judges are smiling.

“I think you’re going to do well in this competition,” Paula said.

After a bunch of chatter, we have four “yes” votes and our first golden ticket. I definitely think Emily could be an interesting one.

7:25 p.m.
Now it’s Randy Madden’s turn. “I just want to tell someone I’m great,” he says. But, without any training, will he have anything to offer?

He brings a Bon Jovi song to the table and, slightly surprisingly, he’s not terrible. It’s not great, though. He definitely wouldn’t get my vote. And he’s not getting any other votes, either.

J.B. Ahfua, on the other hand, has quite a bit to offer. His voice is much sweeter — a little more Jon Secada than Jon Bon Jovi — but he’s a little uptight. Still, he gets four “yes” votes and another golden ticket comes in for Phoenix.

“This is my chance to change my life,” J.B. said. “… to change my family, you know? We’re all struggling, and we’re still struggling now. This is my chance to help out my family.”

Don’t get too excited. Because it’s Michael Gurr’s turn. The wannabe is a little nervous, and he sounds like he’s about to have an attack of sorts. It’s just not pretty. Not pretty at all.

After the break, it looks as though we’ll possibly see the first blind contestant on the show.

7:38 p.m.
Wow. I can’t deal with all of the terrible singers. Luckily, it seems like we’re cruising through a handful of them at once.

Let’s see if Aundre has anything to offer … aside from buckets of enthusiasm. Nope, it’s just the enthusiasm.

Now we’ll hear from a 16-year-old, Arianna Afsar, who also helps work with the program “Adopt a Grandfriend.” Her sweet, young voice is what this show is all about. She’s a little tiny bit interesting. And she has the story to back it up.

So, as you might expect, she gets her golden ticket. All in all, the first day of Phoenix auditions produced 10 Hollywood hopefuls.

7:51 p.m.
It’s Day 2 in Phoenix.

With the lowest voice in the show’s history, possibly, Elijah Scarlett brings a frightening audition to the table. Emphasis on frightening.

She’s written more than 100 original songs, and she’s Kara’s biggest fan (apparently someone did know Kara before this season). Lea Marie Golde is a self-proclaimed cross between Hillary Duff and Madonna. But, for this audition, she sings a Cascada dance song.

UGH! That’s all I have to say.

7:59 p.m.
Next up is Stevie Wright, who got her name from Stevie Nicks. Her rendition of At Last by Etta James is just what the judges needed on the second day.

This girl has the tone. She has the look. And she has a golden ticket.

8:08 p.m.
When it comes to interesting stories, Michael Sarver from Jasper, Texas, has it. And his voice isn’t bad, either. His version of Thank You by Boyz II Men is not only interesting, it’s a little bit country. And, that’s not a bad thing.

“You have a good voice,” Paula said. “It’s surprising.”

“I’ve got to tell you what you have is that likability thing,” Simon added.

Four “yes” votes and a golden ticket send him running to Hollywood.

Now, a contestant actually shows up in a bikini. I don’t even want to hear her voice. This is not a beauty pageant. Katrina Darrell (yes, her name is Katrina) manages to sing with most of her body exposed.

“Let me kick this one off,” Simon said. “Yes.”

Randy followed up with another “yes” vote.

Then Kara schooled Katrina on how to sing — did we know Kara could sing that well? — and, still, she got a golden ticket. I’m not going to say she’s the worst singer, but she’s definitely not anything more than a girl in a bikini.

And then she straight-up tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest. This show is exhausting me right now.

8:20 p.m.
I love a guy with a self-proclaimed nickname. Sexual Chocolate is what Eric Thomas calls himself. It’s almost as cheesy as Katrina’s bikini routine.

Even though he didn’t get a golden ticket, Eric’s mom is, apparently, buying him a car.

Now it’s Brianna’s turn. This girl has the energy and personality. But she lacks the control with her pipes. And a voice that’s strong enough to make it to Hollywood.

But Simon changed his mind, agreed with Paula and sent her through to Hollywood.

8:33 p.m.
Deanna Brown couldn’t bring her family to the audition. But she did bring a rough voice that’s definitely interesting. Is it Idol material? I’m not exactly sure. But she sets herself apart with that voice.

The judges seem to like her quite a bit. And her attitude is perfect (or so it seems in these first few minutes). So, Deanna is going to Hollywood!

Next up, a teenager from Detroit. He makes horror films, but Cody Sheldon sings the most popular pop tunes on the radio. His voice is not what you’d expect from a maker of horror films.

“Your voice and your look don’t really add up there,” Kara said. And she meant that in a good way.

Cody certainly could be one of this year’s teens to watch. At least as far as this one city is concerned.

8:42 p.m.
The first night of auditions is almost over. But we’re definitely in store for a few more hopefuls who don’t have much hope.

Poor Alex Wagner-Trugman seems like he’s off to a bad start. But then he opens his mouth and something kind of interesting happens. Alex can sing, despite a slightly different tone.

He has a dry sense of humor, but I think he has a chance to grow his talent through the weeks leading up to Hollywood Week. “Alex, you can’t do well in this competition,” Simon said. But the others disagree, and he makes it through.

After Alex, though, we’re treated to a lot of other “singers” who aren’t so good, er, make that terrible.

8:53 p.m.
Scott Macintyre is a 23-year-old who’s almost entirely blind. “I think my lack of vision is what drove me to explore the world of sound,” he says.

He certainly can be an inspiration, if he can sing. He chooses to sing And So It Goes for the audition. And, as you would imagine, he actually can sing. Having started college at age 14, being almost blind, teaching himself to play piano and dance … well, he’s going to go far in this competition if he can get past Hollywood.

Why? Because Scott Macintyre is what America wants to see. He has a story that makes someone like Kellie Pickler seem almost completely boring.

That’s it for tonight … tomorrow, we return with more of the good, but most likely a lot of bad. See you then, when the gang meets back up in Kansas City.